Riverrun | Sensing into Automatic Expression

(Hello friends. A riverrun is one way I make sense of the wild currents of being coursing through my sense instrument. Once I jump into the river I close my eyes and write without pause, without thought. My usual practice is to follow the neural impulse into movement, into cycles of polar essence, contraction/expansion. Keeping my hands on a keyboard in this process creates an interesting constraint that isn't always very pleasant. The content here isn't important. My hope is to offer a pathway that may inspire you into an imaginal exploration of your own sensing/moving process, either through your own riverrun writing or with an attunement into your subtle impulses and images waiting to be danced in the depths of your awareness.)

riverrun

embodied flow, opening up to the spaces between, the substance of my stubby stance, the dance, the dream, the space between. left throat coated witha slight panic. a breath, a release of extensors, settling into my seat, a release, a relief, grief dreaming my eyes home.

breathing, waiting. breathing waiting.

an anger of pain stripping my bark to the bone. a punched rib cracking in the pressure to withhold emotion's turbulent flow flinging my flimsy kayakkety yak yak into the rocks of my ribs. my heart bounces into the swirling churn, dashed against the sharp edges shaping my pathway. tired of this river, or maybe my response to this river. throat leaps up, a red egg lodged left right above an empty chamber cracking light above my heart. the whole, this fear, this pain masquerading as distraction. my left shoulder girdle, scapula, cuff and on down detaches from my core self like an arm of octopus, released in the struggle for life. i squirt my dark ink by withdrawing into the focused obsession of order and novel emergence. the ground slips away below me, the yapping dogs of responsibility and concern fading below the atmosphere of my easy breath shaped by this beauty.

over right, skull capped, an angry punch, drunk with hidden habits and tonic. heart clutches, left arm curls, a collapse of being, hiding in the asymmetry of protection, a closing of the vertical line, a translation of history into body, concept into form. a swarm of bees buzzing in my left throat lining down to upper heart and through to a left wrist. right eye awakens in this pattern, a curling fold upper right to lower left. following following.

what is this sensation above my heart like a black hole, a pinch in the fabric of my contraction, sense pulled into the horizon spin of this full dreaming disturbance. belly, chest, throat, ribs, heart, kidney, liver, eye,  shoulder, arm, wrist all streaming into this black attractor. my resistance is fear, my holding the stability of identity. this whirlpool of hollow sensation  pulls me in like a torus magnet.

ah, a magnet from edge of left scapula to a hollow above and right of my heart. flowing in from the front and out through my back, a dimensional torus of magnetic lines misaligned with the wholeness of aliveness.

softening, listening, releasing organization keeping me from the fullness of this wholeness in this nested being.

an intense line of sensation rising up the inside of left arm into left throat where it does a tangled dance of corrosive angles and sudden turns, choatic knots of heat and aggression finally shooting up in a straight line through my left eye and ito the sky above.


now softening into the curving lines rising up my left arm, spirals moving to upper arm, into my chest, spinning a few rapid spins up through my throat, double spin in skull through right eye and up to sky.

the bar magnet of my spine consciously attracts the left lines to center. soft echoes remain upon left. breath guides a slowing of the rise. (perhaps the acceleration remains the same and i'm just perceiving a gentler fractal?)

the rhythm the rain the quiet pain turning inside out in a buzzing hum beyond the rigid clicks of habit

a return to a quiet breath. wholeness healing wholeness

aliveness intensified in the presence, acceptance and engagement of what is.